My Dearest,

I will always consider Tuesday, September 2, 1986 to be one of the best days of my life. It was my first day of college away from home, I was a hit with the other members of my class almost immediately and I got a job with the student newspaper. Your being editor was the cherry on top of my brand new life.

When Pam dragged my reluctant ass down the long hallway to the Saint office, I vaguely wondered whether I was taking on too much too soon. My fears were quickly allayed as I took in the comfortable, laid back space in which I would soon spend many of my waking hours, eventually becoming Assistant Editor. Still, every nerve ending I had was on overdrive when you walked around the corner.

Before that instant, had anyone asked me, I would have been inclined to disagree with the idea of love at first sight. After that instant, I couldn't believe I had lived so much of my life without knowing you. Lightning struck and I was in love. Even typing this I know it sounds hokey and very much the sort of thing about which you would mercilessly taunt me, but nonetheless is absolute truth. I surrendered to you even while you were shaking my hand and introducing yourself.

In all things, I am yours.

In the intervening 19 years we have been friends, lovers, enemies, strangers, confidantes, security blankets, sounding boards and punching bags. Our timing has sucked, others have come between us and we have become cynical, jaded human beings. On occasion, I still cling to my romanticized version of our relationship, amusing myself for hours on end with mental images of what we may someday become. If we were to ever truly join together, we would be unstoppable. For now, you're afraid to emotionally reach out that last inch toward me and it saddens me to no end that I cannot breach that gap on your behalf.

I love you. I will always love you. My support will extend however far you need it to. I will bear no grudge, even as I feel more and more sharply the passing of the years.

You are my soulmate; I have a profound comprehension of what that entails and I embrace that knowledge as I would embrace you, were you here now.

Some day, my love.
xo

Posted at 10:19 a.m.