J is for Justification.

Jus`ti*fi*ca"tion, n. [L. justificatio: cf. F. justification. See Justify.] 1. The act of justifying or the state of being justified; a showing or proving to be just or conformable to law, justice, right, or duty; defense; vindication; support; as, arguments in justification of the prisoner's conduct; his disobedience admits justification.

I may just pop into the appropriate governmental office next week and change that to my middle name. It�s become a compulsion for me lately, ensuring everyone is aware of the thinking behind many of my decisions. (Whatever happened to the tough as nails chick who pressed on, oblivious to the comments of others? She had more fun, you can be damn sure of that).

Maybe I have some sort of degenerative disease that�s causing my spine to crumble? It�s entirely possible my advanced age is causing me to be so tired I no longer have the strength to fight for what I intuitively think is the way, the truth and the light. Age has also dimmed the once mischievous glimmer in my eye, more�s the pity.

The worst part of the entire situation is the part where I don�t require that others justify their actions to me. They run roughshod over my life and I stand to the side saying, �Thank you sir, may I have another?� What sort of messed up shit is that, I ask you. I want to take me aside, give me a good smack, tell me to grow a pair and then leave me alone to think about what I�ve done.

I see my constant explanations as a way to avoid confrontation of any sort; I just want everyone to get along. Especially with me. So, I obviously cannot allow my actions to speak for themselves; I have to toddle after everyone, making a pest of myself and probably annoying them more than if I had just gone along my merry way making myself happy instead.

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Ross: You know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!

Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.

Ross: Just the one divorce in '99!
You know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.

Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room?

Posted at 8:42 a.m.