AlphaBytes2004

I�m feeling a distinct absence from society more and more each day. Being unemployed is about more than being sucked into the hell that is Daytime Television, let me tell you. I don�t want to be seen in public anymore because I�m getting sick and tired of being asked what I�m doing these days. In the beginning it was cute and rather a relief to say I own a business, and while the people I�m talking to have no idea it�s not making enough to support me, it�s also beginning to bother me; I feel as if I�m being less than truthful.

It�s always been easy for me to withdraw. Most of the time I�m very social and can hold my own at functions and with my family, but there are times when sitting in this dark computer room surrounded by coffee and dogs, not speaking for hours at a time is the way to go. And it�s addictive; it�s almost like the muscles I use to smile and toss my hair and be interesting atrophy and I start to see it all as a huge chore.

I blame it on being Piscean, although I know many people who won�t buy into that malarkey for one minute. Okay then, I blame it on my personality which, when held up to the personality profile of a Pisces, matches almost exactly. What a coincidence, huh? Yes, I realize it�s not acceptable to point to something external as the bad guy simply to take the heat off myself and my unacceptable actions. I know full well that I must pull myself up by my bootstraps and shake off this damnable malaise.

Just not yet.

Posted at 8:14 a.m.