Fear of Success?
Damn, I�m so busy these days I can�t imagine how I�d fit an actual day job into the mix. That�s not to say I haven�t been trying. Just yesterday, I dropped my resume off at the temp agency I�ve dealt with, on and off, for the past 10 years. Patti was at lunch, so I just scribbled a note telling her I�m looking for work again. It always feels like another failure on the heap when I have to go back, begging for a job at $9/hour. I�m worth so much more than that in my estimation. Obviously, my perception of my abilities and/or personality is somewhat skewed. Either that, or I�ve simply not been in the right place at the right time. Let�s go with the latter, shall we?

I dropped off the resume after leaving work (a term I use loosely, as it�s an unpaid internship), on the way to the bank in my old hometown, where I grudgingly collapsed another Registered Retirement Savings Fund so I can continue to pay my share of the bills. That gives me another couple of months to see if this business will fly. I�m reading Selling for Dummies right now, trying to figure out how to get my product beside the cash registers of local kennels and groomers. I�m lined up to do to two appearances on the local morning shows, one soon and one in September. Fingers crossed, my website will go live in a week or two. Alex had to deal with a major server meltdown last week, so I�m trying not to pester him. We�re doing this website design deal using the barter system, which I found out is alive and well in North America. He�s parked the first completed pages on his server for me to gaze at lovingly, making the same oohs and ahhs that a new parent would. I�ve also shared the url around to specific individuals whose opinion I value for their constructive criticisms. Alternately, they can just email me and tell me I�m a marketing genius.

I screwed up my courage last Monday as I spent another lovely day with Melesse and told her I might actually be afraid that the business will take off once the website is available. Inside my head, it sounds ridiculous to fear that which I have been working toward for over a year now. She told me it wasn�t a sign of impending dementia at all, just proof that I had put my heart and soul into this venture. I simply didn�t want it to grow out of my control and self-destruct. When she put it that way, I sounded so very healthy that I went out and priced packaging. Forward motion folks, it�ll never do you wrong.

I�ve still got a few pics left to gather for 26 things. Melesse took a deep breath and sat me down to teach me enough basic HTML and FTP to create my very own �26 Things� webpage, as we need to submit our url on August 1. Some of the pictures are impressive, even if I do say so myself. I don�t know if it has something to do with the fact that I have a more educated eye, as I took two years of photography in college or my love of Ansel Adams, but pictures taken using only available light are my favorites. The flash only serves to flatten the subject and, in the case of my portrait, bring out a mass of freckles I can�t even see when I look in the mirror.

Today, I shall begin the framework of an introductory letter that will accompany samples and a business card. How I�m going to be able to convince people that it�s imperative they carry my product using only words on a piece of paper is beyond me. I guess it�s a few chapters ahead in the Dummies book.

Posted at 8:25 a.m.