One of these days I'm going to look up the proper meaning of that saying. For now, I'm content thinking it means I've been wearing corrective lenses since the fifth grade, and it's these frames that have caused me to appear horrifically fugly to the general public.

This all stems from the fact that I received a backhanded compliment Thursday night. I was out with my friend from my old soul-sucking job, catching up with each other and with our bartender Jackie. The band popped in later and sat down for a quick one before they started playing; the evening was progressing nicely. I was feeling like a hottie in my Eddie Bauer wear. Strike that: I don't think any guy will immediately go to the word 'hottie' when gazing upon the one middle-aged chick in the bar who's covering 80% of her body. Let's just say I was feeling thinner and well put together and leave it at that.

Then in came PrinterGuy, a good friend who always joins us on our nights of debauchery. He's actually printing up my business cards for me at a YouGetDrunkWithMeBuddy reduced rate. He's older and smooth, sings with his own band and makes my friend melt when he sings You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' right to her. So, we're talking about this and that, and I casually take off my glasses to clean them.

"Oh my God, without your glasses you're quite beautiful!", he exclaimed.

What the hell do you say to something like that? Top it off with the fact that the lead singer of the band chooses that moment to come up and congratulate me on my recent weight loss. (A three-ounce pair of glasses maybe?) So I tried to keep them in my hand and just aim my conversation at the talking, floating blobs across from me. I felt pretty, but that was soon overpowered by the massive headache I got from straining my eyes. Maybe I'll ask about the new contacts that are 99% water in September at my next eye exam. If I can score a few trial pairs, I'm laughing.

For now, I'll just have to play Clark Kent and be happy about it.

Posted at 10:23 a.m.