I've talked before in this journal about my need to avoid confrontation at all costs. It's a well-known fact that I can be counted on to back down the moment voices are raised or defensive body postures are assumed. Okay, you want to call a spade a spade? I'm a chicken. A big, fat roasting chicken who was destined for the pot if she didn't change her errant ways.

Truth be told, that particular trait was one of the things I've always disliked about myself. Anytime I've tried to grow a backbone, it's always backfired, which is why I learned my lesson and simply stopped the occasional attempts at bravado. Until lately.

It hasn't even been a conscious effort; it's just like I've had an emotional growth spurt. It's like I'm morphing, growing into this new person, one who doesn't take shite from anyone and doesn't feel any negative repercussions as a result of her actions. It's about time I started convincing myself that I matter. I am just as deserving of love and respect than anyone else. Acting as if I'm not is simply to invite others to use me as the doormat I think I've always been.

Since last September, I've gone through some phases that could be considered not-so-nice: I've been surly, combative, silent and angry. I'm thinking it was necessary for me to try on all of those attitudes before settling on a happy medium of behaviour I'll enjoy for the rest of my life. There are those around me who've taken me aside and told me they applaud my change of perspective on life, which was sort of rewarding. It's always nice when you make a change and people notice right off, non?

Now, employment and personal life just have to fall in line and I'm set. (I love how I used the word "just", as if those issues above were as tiny and niggling as getting the laundry done and remembering to floss.

Posted at 9:46 a.m.