I just want to pet it....
No one in my offline life reads this, so I guess it's safe to let y'all know the horrible, horrible secret I am forced to carry every day of my life: I'm gullible. Yes, you heard it, I can be encouraged and cajoled into going along with at least 75% of anything I'm asked to do. God only knows, I'm an internet marketer's wet dream.

Right now, I'm trying to 12-step myself off eBay. Every few months I'll check out their offerings, usually under the guise of buying a gift for a loved one that I couldn't readily find in a local store. I've been highly successful too, and have been rewarded with the wonderful reputation of Faboo Gift Giver, something I'm very proud of. I never wanted to be one of those people who resort to giving gifts that were so obviously picked up at the drug store on the way to an event or, heaven forbid, to become a Regifter. Also, handing over a $7 bottle of hooch like you're presenting the Crown Jewels? You might as well show up empty-handed, dude.

Anyway. Once I win my important auctions, I can't seem to sign out like a good girl and move on with my life. I have to sneak up to the search line and key in troublesome words like "Coach bag" or "Prada" or "Dooney & Bourke". Pages upon pages of search results appear before me like a leather smorgasbord. And, much like a real smorgasbord featuring the good crab and an omelete bar, I'm powerless to fight the call.

Last night I innocently called up My eBay on my niece's computer to show her a picture of my latest (I hope) conquest: a Coach mahogany wallet. To my chagrin, I had been outbid. Now, I'm bad enough in the quiet of my computer room at home, but the good angel on my shoulder also had to deal with Jennifer egging me on to bid again. I'll admit, more than half of me wanted to look like the cool aunt as I upped my bid once again to a price that makes me cringe in the cold light of day. However, I've made my bed and I must lie in it. At the very least, I've cranked the price up unreasonably high for the weiner who's been following behind me, ruining my plans to own one of the most fabulous wallets I believe I've ever seen. (Bastard).

With five days still left, I'm not sure I should remain hopeful. On the other hand, I've never been one to let reality cloud my perceptions. I'll keep you informed.

Posted at 1:04 p.m.