Bailing, then Reconsidering
Maybe it should be called Holi-WeekDay-lies?
In my case, anyway.

As much as I abhor journals where the writer alludes to something big going on in their life, then tells you they don't want to talk about it; alas, I must do the same thing today. It's killing me, trust me on that. (The above run-on Sentence From Hell should serve as proof of just how out of my mind I am right now).

I've just done this as a way of letting you know why
I don't have much to say.

My mind is sort of taken up with this one big thing.

I'm sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~

1:51 p.m.

Okay, this isn't fair. And it's damned
hypocritical of me to boot.

I'm waiting to see if I'm with child.

We won't know for sure for days yet, but as I slipped away to the washroom at my Mom and Dad's yesterday amidst the holiday brouhaha, I silently said a prayer. I was disappointed. It's not concrete proof that I will have gone yet another month without success, but it's managed to get me in a pretty serious funk.

I want to run to my Mom for consolation, for reassurance that I'm not a loser, a barren woman destined to live her life playing 'Auntie' to other people's children, then going home to 50 cats.

I want to run to my friends in the chat at
Three Way Action and listen to them tell me that these things take time, and of course I'm not barren, don't be silly! I want to feel their love of a person only three of them have ever met face to face. I need their strength, frankly.

Posted at 12:44 p.m.