The Slow Fast
I made a decision over the weekend.
I've decided to try a Vegetable Fast.

I'm assuming for most people, the idea to try this would be sort of an offhand thing, noted on a mental To Do list out there in the ether. It would probably come as the result of reading a magazine article or seeing yet another parade of anemic fetuses (fetii?) strut their bony stuff down a runway.

For Sad Ol' me, the concrete decision to move ahead with this was monumental. I mean, it's only three days, people. Why on earth am I already daydreaming about Diary Queen blizzards, souvlaki and the rest of the leftover Hallowe'en candy? I haven't even started the damn thing yet! Come to think of it, that might be a huge hint for my ass...

This should give you some insight on just how poor my dietary choices have been for lo, these many years now. As I type this, I am delicately working through a bag of Chee-tos. Sort of my goodbye to grease (for now).

What caused this bout of masochism in the first place? you might be asking. (Okay, I realize you're probably asking yourself what special brand of nutjob you've stumbled upon. It's only 72 hours, 24 of which I will most likely sleep through).

Three weeks ago the whole nuclear family got together for a family picture to celebrate my Mom turning 60. When she turned 50, we did the same thing. Dad, Mom, my Little Sister, Gran and me. This time, it was a little bigger configuration. Dad, Mom, The Boy, me, my Little Sister, Her Boy and their daughter, Kate.

I wore what I felt to be an outfit that played down my bulk. I was having a good hair day, and I was on time for the session. It was a bright, beautiful day and I always have fun when I spend time with Kate.

Last Saturday night, when we were out at a local shi-shi restaurant celebrating the actual day of her birth, Mom pulled out the proofs.

Oh. My. God.

Hence, the fast.

Fruit and herbal tea with no milk for breakfast (breakfast....hmm....break-fast. Sheesh, I'm already thinking of ways to cheat on this thing. Bad, bad girl), and this cabbage soup concoction for lunch and dinner. Water. That's it.

Obese patients who need immediate surgery are supposed to follow this sort of regimen, so I'm hoping it will get me started on that iceberg of fat floating directly under my chin.

So, after work I'm off to the grocery store to shop for onions, cabbage, carrots and Knorr Onion Soup Mix. whee.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Huh.

The good thing is, Thursday night I'm off to the pub to see my friend James and buy him a pint or two. That will be the official end of my fast. I bet I'll get quite a punch out of one glass of Guinness that night :)

Keep a good thought for me. This won't be pretty.

~~~~~~~~~~

Next time: How old I felt after my trek to Toys R Us.

Posted at 1:37 p.m.