Goodness, I'm scattered lately.

It has been suggested that I am suffering from the psychological effects of Having Been Diagnosed. Once the patient has had their symptoms validated by a test/doctor/surgeon, those same symptoms can become more pronounced. That, I fear, is the case with my apnea.

It's been seven months since my Sleep Clinic. Since then, I can't say honestly that I've had one solid night's sleep. Maybe in the Old Days (read: my twenties), I could have survived; nay, bounced back and thrived on such a lack of sleep. Not now, not by a long shot. I'm cranky and irritable, have little memory and even less patience. All I seem to want is coffee and ice cream. And a nap.

Which is a whole other ball of wax. People seem to think that all I need is a little more sleep. Folks, every time I go to sleep I stop breathing, so what difference does it make whether you call it a good night's sleep or a nap? It's crap whatever way you look at it.

On the positive side, the load of cleaning/shopping/baking/cooking we did last weekend for Mother's Day is now finally worth it. I am sitting here at the computer, entering my thoughts, and not obsessing about the cleaning. Now, don't get me wrong, there is still laundry to do, and I should sweep the dog hair from the kitchen floor and the mud room steps, but that's small potatoes. I lit a candle and did some crocheting earlier, and I am debating the merits of a nap later. Oh, and Vietnamese bbq pork and noodles for dinner. Lazy, lazy girl, me.

Ooh, another positive item just popped into my head. My surgery will force me to stop eating solids for at least 10 days. How sick am I that I am actually grateful for the forced diet? Do I seriously need to seek help? Each year I will have a little spurt where I lose weight, but I have yet to find anything that I can stick to. Before you say it, I realize that it's not that I CAN'T stick to it, I obviously don't WANT to stick to it. Only in the last month have I come to think that the apnea is playing a large part in it all. I was reading Robyn's entry: http://www.geocities.com/naonea/apr24.html and am now secure in the knowledge that I am not the only one who may spend a little too much time on this issue of weight. I will have the surgery, set my stride on my new pedometer and dust off my gym membership. I will be smaller and more toned. I will take a flight of stairs without huffing. I will live longer. I will. (Do me a favour and hold me to that, will you?)

Posted at 3:14 p.m.