Loss
"The connection between your thoughts and your words is strong, and you will find that communication with others goes especially well. If there is something important that needs to be said, you will not have any hesitation to do so - unlike your usual tendency to hang back from speaking to the person who really needs to hear you the most. You are doing people a tremendous favor by letting them in on your incredible wisdom. So try to articulate your thoughts well!"

Someone at Yahoo Horoscopes thinks more of me than I do.

Wisdom? It's funny, the older I get, the more I realize I don't know half of what I thought I did when I was young and arrogant. Get me: I'm a cliche!

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I would gauge a situation, make my decisions, then stick to them to the bitter end. To Hell with those who would fight me on an issue. I dug my heels in for sport. I'm sure I made a few enemies; I like to think I gained the respect of some others. Maybe I was just a headstrong little bitch.

These days I tread a little more lightly. I don't have the limitless energy to fight or to maintain my once-fierce integrity. I give in. I don't like that about myself, but I don't see that I can play this any other way.

All this comes about because of the recent birthday of a friend. This friend is separated (might as well be divorced, it's been two years.) And she's currently enjoying a relationship. Unfortunately, I'm not enjoying it one bit. But hey, you might well say, it's not your business. Not one iota. Well, it took me a while, but I finally came around to your way of thinking. There's just one thing that sticks in my craw...

You see, he's married.

Even that shouldn't be enough for me to climb up on my soapbox and preach to her. That's not the worst thing that bothers me. His problems and his actions will come back to bite him in the ass soon enough. It's the fact that he's so needy, and expects her to be there for him when he has a spare moment, however, when he gets a call from work/wife/kids/OTHER GIRLFRIEND, he goes. He also manhandled her right in front of myself and some others a couple of months ago, which pretty much sealed the deal for me.

She deserves better. Much, much better. I think she's a wonderful woman, and I'm proud that she calls me a friend. She helps me remember to smile even though I want to get violent or cry or take my own life. And, after the separation with Mr. Wet Blanket, I can see where she would have some issues with getting out there again. I can actually see the allure of hooking up with an older, married man. But not for the long run. And that's where I see this going. He will have his cake (hell, the entire bakery) and eat it too, and she will have a close intimate relationship with her voicemail and cell phone, waiting for him to beckon.

I read, at another OLJ, a line that I would like to use here: "...maybe I am exactly where I need to be at this moment." Is she? Who am I to say?

My point is, I have resigned myself to the fact that she will continue on with him until she decides not to. Until that time, we have agreed to disagree. I hope the day will come when we do more together, but for my own sanity, she and I know that will not be until The Spawn of Satan (okay, maybe that's a bit harsh) is out of the picture. I'm not attempting to sway her opinion, and I'm not out for the sympathy of others. I'm not the winner of this issue by any stretch of the imagination. I just miss her.

Posted at 2:08 p.m.