The verdict is in and I�m voting myself off the Island of Polite, Sane People.

I was in the grocery store earlier today, loading up my environmentally friendly tote with ingredients for the next three days. As I contemplated whether anything in this month�s issue of Real Simple interested me, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

�Oh, shit,� I thought as I slowly turned around.

This is usually the first thought that springs to mind when I run into random friends and family in public. I swear, I�m turning into an agoraphobic. That, or I hate it when I timidly venture out wearing an ensemble that would make Stacey and Clinton look askance and always, always, always see someone I know. I never see that old boyfriend from high school or my critical Aunt Bev when I look hot, oh no. I�ve apparently angered the Karma Gods and this is their revenge.

So, I turn around. And it�s my cousin Peggy. Looking h-o-t.

I told her so, while simultaneously trying to hide behind a rack of batteries and razor blades. She�s been involved with a doctor-supervised program and has lost 55 pounds since I last saw her. I�m mightily impressed; I�d love to be able to afford that. Or liposuction, either one.

The thing is, as I was packing up the truck with cucumbers and watercress and mint and limes and not one questionable food item, I found to my surprise that I was intensely jealous at that moment. See, Peggy has been bigger than I for many years now. I never concentrated on what a cow I was when we hung around.

As I started the truck, I could literally feel the jealousy curtain pull back to make room for the Self Loathing Special to come roaring down the tracks. I no longer have an excuse about how I look. (For a while, I've been blaming it on my infertility meds, but it's really not their fault). I have chosen to be this way and no amount of whining will change that. I either have to do something about it or go out and buy even bigger sweatshirts and tent-like apparel.

Congratulations, Peggy. You�re doing one hell of a great job.

Posted at 3:55 p.m.